Theme for 2012: Grace
It seems as though so many people I know or whose blogs I read choose a word each year to help narrow and define their purpose for the year. I love that Tsh Oxenrieder, editor of the fantastic blog Simple Mom, chose no for her word last year to solidify her effort at streamlining her home and family life and not taking on too many big commitments as she was wont to do in past years. I gave it a try last year. My word was organization.
We had made some big changes in our family the previous fall. My husband sold his chiropractic practice in Austin and we moved to Northern California. He went from being his own boss to being an employee in someone else’s office. We went from having him readily available for things such as grocery shopping (a task he primarily handled for the first five years of our marriage) and a lot of cooking to me needing to take care of these things. We had moved from a small apartment to a probably-not-that-much-larger townhouse. Jane was about fifteen months old when we moved.
It was time for me to start doing a lot more home managing, and I took organization to heart. I wanted to create a routine to get cleaning, cooking, parenting, and handling the things I wanted to accomplish under control. I tried a lot of different checklists and other tools, and we had some big changes this year that upset any routine I found; but now, one year later, I can really say that I am more comfortable as a home manager. I’m not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but I can say that I can typically keep the house and meals and budget running in way I’m satisfied with. Yeah, my bedroom is typically in need of constant decluttering and there are nights that I decide pizza is the way to go for dinner and there are days when Jane watches way too much TV, but on the whole, I think I do an alright job. My days have a rhythm rather than a routine, and I’m pretty happy with it. I’ve found the sources that really ring true with me and I don’t feel like I’m constantly searching for new ideas on how to run my home.
Of course, I would love to find more hours to do more things outside of home managing. I’d love to go back to school, teach at a local college, sew a lot more, write a lot more. However, I’ve accepted that this is the season of my life. It’s the season for me to spend trying to open the eyes and minds of little ones, to wipe their faces and bums, and to remember that it’s a blessed thing to be a mother.
A couple weeks ago I had completed our budget for the month and felt a little sad that it was hard to fit in some things that I figured we should be able to afford. We live and eat pretty simply. We’ve narrowed down our debt payment and our expenses. Why couldn’t I fit in a box of contacts without resorting to our “extra” fund? The question that always lurks in the back of my mind crept up again. Should I be working – like the kind that pays money? I talked to my husband about it, and he said that earlier in the day he had felt so grateful that we could afford to live in our home and pay our bills and always have food to eat. He reminded me that we are making a sacrifice in having me stay home and raise our children. I know that sacrifice is worth every effort we make to make this one-income thing work. I know women who would love to be in my shoes, and I can’t take that for granted. Not only is it a blessed thing to be a mother, it’s a blessed thing to be able to stay home with your children.
So that brings me to this year. Knowing that in only a few short months we will welcome our little son to the world and to our home, I’m making grace my word for the year. I know that it will take time to find another rhythm and another routine. I know that, in the mean time, some of the things I want to accomplish will fall by the wayside. However, I know that in time things will fall into place. Until then, I’m giving myself grace.
Grace to be flawed but trying. Grace to accept help while trying to serve others. Grace to take another big step in life, knowing that I might stumble a little on the landing. Grace to work and try as hard as I can, and then admire the accomplishment, no matter how meager it seems.
I hope that, at the end of 2012, I can look back on this year and be ready to start a new adventure.
